WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following another early morning Twitter tirade from President Trump this morning, White House staffers have been spending the best part of the morning contacting golf courses in the D.C. area to see if they are able to accommodate a large manchild at short notice.
The tirade, which was surprisingly even more sustained than usual, took swipes primarily at James Comey ahead of his upcoming book release. He also took aim at the “fake news” outlets over his decision to strike Syria.
And now White House staff members are attempting to calm him down in truly the only way they know possible.
“Hello, yes, I know this is short notice but do you have any openings today?” asked staff member Diana Hernandez, “I know you don’t normally allow children on your course but this is technically a man child, so we’re hoping you can make an exception. However I can’t promise that there won’t be any soiled pants or temper tantrums.”
Inquiries are still ongoing at this point, however it is hoped that President Trump will be able to be soothed sooner rather than later.