PoliticsU.S.

LEAKED: President Trump’s Personal Plans For His $1.5 Trillion Infrastructure Package

The extensive, detailed plans were sent to us by an anonymous staffer.

In another American Lampoon exclusive, we can today reveal the extent of Donald Trump’s personal plans and ideas for his infrastructure package that today passed in a $1.5 trillion deal.

Meant as an initiative to spur investment in the nation’s crumbling roads, bridges, and waterways, the plan is believed to be a far cry from his populist campaign rhetoric and generally seen as severely underwhelming and a little confusing.

The plans, hand drawn by President Trump himself, were e-mailed to the American Lampoon offices just a matter of hours ago by an anonymous staffer that only wishes to be referred to as ‘Chaddius’.



The plan seems to indicate that Trump wants to connect the East coast and West coast with one big bridge. He also indents to connect the North to the South with, well, one big bridge.

Furthermore, the drawing suggests that there will be a connection between California and New York with, you guessed it, one big bridge. And finally, one big bridge between the Pacific North West and the Carolinas.

Engineers from across the country have reportedly been in touch with the presidents office to try and explain to him that it just doesn’t work like that, however none of them have yet had a response, suggesting that Trump is sticking to his guns on this one and believes that this infrastructure project is truly the one to solve all of the U.S.’s problems.

Although nothing has yet been confirmed, an announcement is expected to be made in the coming days as to how the designated funds will be spent in more specific detail.



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Guybrush Threepwood

Hi, I'm Guybrush. Not Gorbush, not Frygosh, not Monsieur Tweephood, and certainly not Mr. Spicecake. Guybrush. I used to desperately want to be a pirate, however after many fruitless endeavors and being involved in a number of monkey-related incidents and quarrels with a chap named LeChuck, I turned my attentions to my second love - journalism. I'm here to bring you the latest news from here, there and everywhere. I'll sleep when I'm dead. Or later tonight.

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