BAD NEWS: The Tesla Roadster Heading For Mars Has Already Depreciated In Value By 10% Since Leaving Earth

This is bad news for SpaceX.

OUTER SPACE – Not great news for SpaceX at all. Since Falcon Heavy launched from Cape Canaveral earlier today carrying its payload of one cherry red Tesla Roadster, Kelly Blue Book confirmed this afternoon that the car has already depreciated by 10% and that its trade in value will most likely take an even bigger hit once it reaches Mars.

The news is sure to come to a blow to those at SpaceX, who may have hoped to trade the cool little runner in for a nice price once it reaches the red planet.

But Mark Morrow, analyst at Kelly Blue Book, explains that they shouldn’t be getting their hopes up too much.

“Before launch the trade in cost of the Roadster would have remained at its retail price of $200,000”, explained Morrow, “But as soon as it left Earth’s atmosphere we would see that drop to $180,000. That’s just the nature of the game. Just because it’s on a big fancy candle doesn’t mean we’re treating this as a special case.”

“And when it reaches Mars, which could be months, I’d expect that value to decrease to the $100,000 mark. If they do decide to put it on the surface of the planet and trade it in, then it’s not going to be a great deal if you’re looking to upgrade.”

“We’d also encourage Elon Musk to ensure that he finds a certified inspection station once it reaches Mars to ensure that its sticker is up to date and completely road legal. Carbon emissions already fucked up one planet, so we want to ensure that we don’t make that two.”

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Guybrush Threepwood

Hi, I'm Guybrush. Not Gorbush, not Frygosh, not Monsieur Tweephood, and certainly not Mr. Spicecake. Guybrush. I used to desperately want to be a pirate, however after many fruitless endeavors and being involved in a number of monkey-related incidents and quarrels with a chap named LeChuck, I turned my attentions to my second love - journalism. I'm here to bring you the latest news from here, there and everywhere. I'll sleep when I'm dead. Or later tonight.

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