NORTH POLE – It’s not every year that Christmas needs to be saved, but it did this year. With Santa Claus and his reindeer all set to take off and begin delivering gifts to the children of the world, a wrench was thrown into the works at the last minute as Rudolph was struck down with an illness, leaving nobody to guide the sleigh with their overly-bright nose.
But just when all hope was thought to be lost, well known alcoholic and general asshole Steve Bannon agreed to replace Rudolph, being the only living life form with a nose equal to the same light intensity as the reindeer.
Santa Claus called Bannon this morning to make the request, and despite initially turning it down, he was finally convinced after being offered five cases of vodka and a brand new White Power flag to hang in his run down apartments only window.
Santa and the reindeers – along with Bannon – took off on time and on schedule while Rudolph retired to bed to recuperate.
Children around the world have been told to leave the usual cookies and milk for Santa and the carrot for the reindeers, but also advised to leave an additional shot of vodka out for Steve.