Politics

Uncovered Documents Suggest Trump Colluded with Russia to gain Tetris Cheat Codes

President unable to get past first round of the original Soviet Mind Game

Tetris, the classic Russian video game from the 1980’s, will possibly lead to Donald Trump’s downfall.  Robert Mueller is carefully lining up the pieces to clear the way.  For the president, problems are piling up with no chance they will disappear.


Documents recently uncovered by the Mueller investigation indicate the Trump campaign repeated made contact with Russian officials.  Many of the requests were for all cheat codes to the Soviet developed game Tetris.  Members of the Secret Service state that President Trump becomes frustrated with the game on a regular basis.  One agent is quoted as saying “His hands are not big enough to handle the controller”.

Tetris, developed by Soviet programmer Alexey Pajitnov, is the second most popular export from Russia after Vodka.  Introduced to American gamers near the end of the Cold War, the game exploded in popularity.  For many, the game which came with the tag line “From Russia with Love” was an obsession.  As it turns out, the current President is no different.

Dealing with Donald Trump’s Tetris tantrums are now part of the Secret Services job duties, along with preventing Eric Trump from eating all of the paste in the art supply closet.  Several members of his cabinet have made efforts to show the President the correct way to play, but this typically ends with a childish insult.  “Nobody is as good as Tetris as I am.  I’m the best, nobody better.  Crooked Hillary isn’t as good.  Why isn’t she in jail?” stated President Trump.

Donald Trump is now repeatedly denying ever requesting cheat codes for Tetris, and simply begins rambling about Hillary Clinton and his newly released Hammer and Sickle “Make America Great Again” line of trucker caps.  “I don’t need to cheat.  This investigation is not needed.  Know who needs to be investigated for cheating at video games?  Hillary!!!”.



Daughter Ivanka has attempted to steer her father toward other video games, though admits he is better at ones made in Russia than in the US.  The White House staff introduced the President to Real Estate Tycoon, however Trump rarely made it very far into the game without needed to declare bankruptcy.

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