Politics

REVEALED: Mike Pence Actually Left The Colts Game Early To Go Play Kids Laser Tag Across The Street

The media had it all wrong.



Once again, the mainstream media has it all wrong.

After hearing that Vice President Mike Pence had left the Colts vs 49ers game earlier today, many if not all of the large-scale media outlets went into their usual frenzy. Coast-to-coast reports suggested that the VP had left the game due to disagreeing with a number of 49ers players choosing to kneel through the national anthem, however once again it seems that they jumped the gun.

It was only a short time later that one of our reliable connections informed the American Lampoon that Pence had not left the game due to the protest, but actually because of hearing about a laser tag arcade just two blocks from the stadium and deciding to invoke his second amendment rights by zapping some n00b kids.

And then hours after the American Lampoon received the heads-up on the real situation, Pence himself tweeted to clarify just exactly what had happened:


Vice-President Mike Pence’s tweet that clarified the situation

A White House spokesman also talked to us over the phone to further explain how the media had blown everything way out of proportion.

“Vice President Pence was at the Colts game for the first ten minutes”, said the spokesman, “However after getting comfortable and checking Facebook, he saw an ad for a laser tag arcade not too far away that was offering discounted rates.”



“Mr. Pence is a huge proponent for the second amendment, and that extends to laser tag. That also extends to kids laser tag, and allowing Mr. Pence an easier opposition. That said he did come in third place, but was given a nice looking certificate that he now displays proudly in his office.”

The American Lampoon will continue to get to the cold, hard truth of instances like this.

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Guybrush Threepwood

Hi, I'm Guybrush. Not Gorbush, not Frygosh, not Monsieur Tweephood, and certainly not Mr. Spicecake. Guybrush. I used to desperately want to be a pirate, however after many fruitless endeavors and being involved in a number of monkey-related incidents and quarrels with a chap named LeChuck, I turned my attentions to my second love - journalism. I'm here to bring you the latest news from here, there and everywhere. I'll sleep when I'm dead. Or later tonight.

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1 thought on “REVEALED: Mike Pence Actually Left The Colts Game Early To Go Play Kids Laser Tag Across The Street”

  1. So he went to play with kids,good.kids like it when grown ups play with them,that they can make time for kids….NFL can’t complain,he paid his ticket to see them ,they got paid..wanna kneel,go to church ..or do like a high school team did in Texas (if I’m not mistaken) they carried a cross ,stood it up and took both knees,and holding hands said a prayer….you can learn something from young blood..

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